


Burnout

by Zalezovalca



Category: Fandom (Anthropomorphic), Furry (Fandom), Original Work
Genre: Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beating, Body Dysphoria, Comfort, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Furry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insecurity, Insults, Magic, Nonbinary Character, Other, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Slice of Life, Social Anxiety, Trauma, Verbal Abuse, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-05-19 21:57:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zalezovalca/pseuds/Zalezovalca
Summary: Carol is a failure, a drunkard who parties too much being constantly compared to her best friend. When she accidentally summons a monster she finds that she has more reason to try than she thought.I haven't written since deleting my old works off of here, and I doubt I will do anything that isn't oc related anymore. I welcome criticism with this, as it's my first work in a while.Feel free to leave a comment, they will all be read and appreciated!The tags might be overkill, but I simply don't want anyone to be made uncomfortable by the content of the story, so I'm going to go on the side of caution.





	1. It all starts somewhere

I woke with a start, my fur matted with sweat. It wasn’t out of the ordinary to wake up confused and sickly, considering I tend to stay out late and come home drunk as shit. This was one of those mornings, my head was pounding and my vision still blurry around the edges. I tried to sit up, but was immediately overcome with the sensation that I was mere moments from puking on a bed whose owner I couldn't remember. After weighing my choices, and opting to lay back down I called out, wondering who I’d decided to pass out on, and was met with a quick response. “Shut up, please.” A ragged voice called from the kitchen, one I immediately recognized. “You need to be quiet, for fucks sake.” She was tall, not as tall as me but that was to be expected considering she was human. Long messy black hair draped down her back, and she wore an oversized tee with dirty jeans. She was my best friend Sherry, and she was a fucking prodigy. “I’ll go out on a limb and say you didn’t sleep well?” My voice came out hoarse. “You slept on my bed, how was I supposed to?” I couldn’t argue with her logic, but she had a way of making me sound like the bad guy. “Anyway, I made some coffee I figured you could use it, you drunk fuck.” She gestured to the living room, and I could see various objects moving around, tidying up. The thing is, Sherry was a mage, and unfortunately for me a younger mage than I. “I’ll be waiting in there so take your time, and please put a shirt on.” I blushed under my fur. Sherry had been my friend since grade school, though she was a grade below me. We both were headed for the mages academy, but for far different reasons. I was utterly normal, not bad per say but my skills needed refinement and I generally spent my time getting drunk off my ass and taking home any man who moved. Sherry was different, she was one of the very few humans who could match and even exceed a therian’s aptitude for magic. She was human through and through but she slung spells as though she was a wise old therian with a penchant for fire magic. 

In fact Sherry was one of the few who could handle two different kinds of magic, as she used restorative magic and destructive spells. I was limited to my healing magic. My tails brushed against the wall as I rose, and my ears twitched angrily. I was a chimera therian, with a cat’s body and a kitsune’s tails, I was also for lack of a better word a bit chubby. Just another way I differed from Sherry. Bending over made me feel ill again, but I did need a shirt, Sherry wouldn’t be happy with me having my tits out at the table, and it was her apartment. I’d happened to grab one of her shirts, I think she had mine. The poor thing didn’t really fit, and was stretched tight around my figure, particularly considering Sherry was kind of flat chested. “Are you wearing my shirt?” Her voice seemed to lighten as I took a seat at the table, clutching the mug shed set for me. “Are you wearing mine?” I took a sip as she enchanted some silverware to cook for her. “Probably, but I’m not going to leave your shirt stretched to hell and back.” She had a red eye, and one yellow though they both seemed to stare through me. “Do you want me to get you a new one?” The coffee helped a bit. “Because I don’t get paid till next tuesday, so you might have to live with one less band shirt until then.” She smiled, only a hint but I knew her well enough to tell it was real. “You know that guy you were trying to fuck last night?” I nodded and poured some creamer in my coffee. “That was my criminology tutor.” I choked on my drink. “That was Greg?” I sputtered. “I told you he looked better than you’d think. Probably better he turned you down, I heard he's a dick if you talk to him for long.” It wasn’t the most surprising, I had bad taste in men, and had gone through three boyfriends in the last 4 months.  
Sherry told me it was because I like bad boys, I say it was because I liked any boy who would get near me, and seeing as we live in a small rural town with a thin therian population my choices were slim, beyond “adventurous” guys who grew up on some shithole farm and wanted to get with the weird therian lady so they could tell their drinking buddies they fucked a cat. “I’m just fucking tired of shit guys.” I pushed my coffee away as I dipped my head to the table. Sherry gave me a pat on the shoulder, and what I’m sure she thought was a reassuring smile. I just wanted to sit there, and let her do her best to comfort me. To let her lull me back to sleep. But I knew it wouldn't be fair to her. Sherry had feelings for me, and we both knew it. She thought she was sneaky, but it was clear, how shed blush when I gave her hugs, how she'd be so hesitant to touch me, always keeping a small distance unless I initiated. She thought she had it all figured out, but she also talks while she’s drunk, and I have some real assholes for friends. “I know it sucks, Carol. But I’m sure things will probably get better if you wait long enough.” I pulled my head out of my claws. “With everything, do you really think that?” She paused, clearly searching for words. “I mean, probably?” Her voice trailed off, and she quickly retracted her hand. Letting out a sigh I buried my head further into my claws. “I mean, fuck.” I heard her grabbing plates. “You know I’m not good at this, Carol. I don't know if it'll get better, even if it doesn’t you still got shit to do, don’t you?” Ah, my favorite tactic she employed, stop feeling sad because you need to work out the kinks in your magic and pass all your classes because otherwise you’ll have no place in this glorious capitalist nightmare. “I don’t wanna talk about this right now.” I looked up as she sat a plate of pancakes in front of me, towering and saturated with butter. “I got better shit to talk about, like how about this.” I started to cut into my meal as Sherry fried some bacon. “My roommate kicked me out, he said I brought home too many guys and he hated dealing with my hangovers, you mind if I crash here?” 

I couldn't read her very well, but she froze. I had either asked something she was waiting for her whole life, or dropped a bomb she couldn’t react to. “My place?” Her demeanor was measured, like everything she did. “That's what I said, isn’t it?” My mouth was half full, fuck she made good-ass pancakes. “I mean, don't you like to party a lot? Last night was my first time and I don’t know how much I enjoyed the after effects.” So, door two it is. “Well, I can always just, you know, not? Or at least do it somewhere else, I’m not a dick.” She was visibly tense. “What about work? I don’t know if I’m close enough.” I took a swig of some orange juice she’s laid out and began to speak, “you’re closer than my last roommate.” She wasn't moving. “What about-” “If you don’t want me here just say it, you won’t fuck anything up.” She stood still, as she always did when she was stressed. “I just.. It’s not..” Her bacon went up in flames. “Oh fuck!” I watched as her eyes began to glow, and a sigil painted itself in the air before her, shortly after the flame died quickly, she had starved it of air. “You aren’t doing me favors by lying Sherry.” She looked at me, pained, unusually so considering how little she usually emotes. “Give me until tonight, I need a bit to think it over.” I responded by stuffing a large forkful of pancake into my mouth and giving a noncommittal grunt. “Like, hooray for being a shit host, but that was all the bacon I had, your good without it right?” She took a seat, and began to read on her phone while sipping coffee of her own, Sherry drank hers black. “We don't got time either way, I have a test soon for my chem class.” I finished my food and began to bus my dishes. “I mean, you think your ready for it?” I snorted, “Fuck no, what?” She gave me a glare for that one.  
“Anyways, some people have work.” she downed her coffee and left into the bedroom. “Leave my shirt behind, I’ll leave you your’s.” “My shirt better not be stretched, fucker.” I sneered. She hurried past me, in her uniform, Sherry happened to work at a local pizzeria, she was a chef. “Yeah whatever fatass, can you turn off my spells when you leave? The door will lock itself, so don't worry about that.” I have her a nod and a cocky smile as she walked through the door. It wasn’t going to be very easy, I’d dealt with her magic before. I walked into her kitchen and set to work. I closed my eyes, and they were brightly glowing when I opened them. Her room was transformed, with glowing lace connecting different parts of the kitchen, said kitchen appeared frozen over. It was kind of intimidating, she had everything connected, surely at least twenty concurrent spells were set up, thankfully only three were still going. I located them and began a counterspell. The lace cut, and the floating cutlery fell to the sink with a clank. And I was alone. I contemplated raiding her fridge as payback for not giving me a straight answer for the whole thing with her room, but it felt kind of fucked up. I did however take a bottle of soda and a bag of chips, the only issue was when I bent over I was met with a snap and a slight tearing noise. Struggling to find the source of the disturbance I realised I had busted a seam on the side of her shirt. It could be fixed though with sewing and a bit of time. I felt bad about it, but quietly tucked it into one of her drawers hoping she would forget I wore it. 

I don't really know what I was thinking that day, because I wasn't really a bad student, but that day I ditched class. My test didn't account for much of my grade, and chemistry was one of my better classes, so I just didn't go. Instead I headed to the local walmart. I guess I had gotten it in my head that I had to prepare for being homeless. I had a job there, considering the town was mostly human they liked how much I could lift. I wasn’t working that day, but I went in the back anyway, the greeter would recognize me, and I didn’t want anyone to know I called in sick just to party. I made it to the snack aisle before I was caught. “Aw man, see I thought you were supposed to be sick?” I hear his voice behind me, a bit nasally and high pitched. “Fuck off dude.” I stood up from my crouch and ended up towering over him. My height isn’t very strange for a therian, as I’m about seven feet tall, however this little shit’s height was. Cameron was, by therian standards, fucking tiny clocking in at around five foot nine. He was a timber wolf therian, mostly greyish with a bushy tail and big teeth that he loved to show off by grinning like a moron twenty four seven. “You know I’m supposed to write you up over this, right?” He was also my manager, though we’d been friends for a while before I got a job here, as he was one of my first friends when I came to Hinton.

“Yeah, I know, can you cut me a break though?” His look turned playful and he flashed me his grin. “Can you give me a reason to tell my boss as to why you fucked off?” He always had my back. “I had to study for my test in chemistry, easy.” He leaned in, “So what's the real reason?” “I got drunk.” His grin left, “That's it? Your gonna skip work over that?” I gave him a grin and took a bag of fritos in my claws, “I didn't know I had to be exciting for you asshole.” He began to put some stuff away on the shelf and spoke, “You dont i guess, but we can make you exciting. You busy tonight?” I shook my head. “Head over to my place then! I have some friends over from down in Huntington, they got drinks. And who knows, one of them may peak your fancy! I got a therian friend coming.” He put emphasis on the last part “I dunno Cameron, I ain't big on long distance shit.” He nodded, “No I get you.” I grabbed another bag of chips and made to leave. “I’ll dm you if I want to head over, you can pick me up if I’m at Sherry’s right?” He grinned wider, “Only if you can get ready before five.” He got back to work as I left through the self checkout.

I felt aimless for the whole day, just finding my way in and out of libraries and coffee shops looking for ways to kill time on a budget. It was pretty shit seeing as I used the whole day worrying where I would sleep that night. It wasn’t out of character for me when I wandered into a bar, and began chatting random guys up. No one was interested, too tall, too fat, she might shed, she has claws, her fangs bother me. Nothing out of the ordinary, and every failure was an excuse to drink. Before I knew it my missteps with the opposing sex led to some self pity. It wasn't my fault I was big and these idiots were intimidated by a woman of my stature. Considering pretty much the only other therian was Cameron I needed to find some human who wasn't as bothered by me. It wasn't my fault I couldn’t look pretty to your average human, I felt like I looked nice at least. I was curvy, but not fat, I kept good care of my fur and I liked my green eyes. But most people found me a hard sell. It shouldn’t have been my problem that I wasn’t like sherry, she had everything I didn't. She was smart, talented, pretty. Boys dove head over heels for her, and she was either too gay or too dumb to figure it out. I didn't really have any beef with her, being my best friend and all, but I was in the mood to be particularly spiteful. And soon spite and self pity won out, and my poor booze addled brain decided to just do something about it. I settled on proving that I could also do two kinds of magic, thinking if I was as talented as she was people wouldn't notice the fact that i stood a couple heads over the tallest human. Or at least I could summon a boyfriend, because I chose travel magic. 

After stumbling my way through some awkward conversations with the old lady at the library I was armed with a new spellbook, and I hopped the fence to the pool at Sherry’s apartment complex and hid out in the indoor pool room. It was late and the middle of winter, so the chances of me being interrupted were slim to none. I began to draw a spell circle on the floor with some washable chalk, and gathered my ingredients. A flawed gem of any kind, a food offering, I chose fritos, and a spattering of my blood across the center. I had to be careful with my blood, as it would mess the spell up if I didn't put it across the right spots, and I wasn't used to cutting myself like that. And before long I was ready to begin. I sat the book in front of me and closed my eyes, when I opened them again they had that glow. The world was changed, and I saw it through the eyes of a spirit. Everything was dusted with frost, the pool frozen solid. This time there was no lace, as no mages had come through and set up spells, figures as Sherry might be one of the only human mages alive right now. I shook her from my mind, and looked down at the spellbook I had borrowed. It's text was completely different, as I was now viewing the actual spell, rather than the prep work that went into it. And I began to work, sigils painting themselves around me, and the circle becoming bathed in a soft light. It worked from one way to the other, a glow began to form, until the chalk seemed to emit light. The offering was the first to go, being lit up in a quick green flame, then the gem burst, leaving smoke behind. Finally my blood began to shine, and seep into the floor. Leading into the final words of the spell I needed to concentrate. 

It happened slowly at first, then began to pick up speed. A hole in the ground began to form, and light poured out. My heart beat faster, was I really going to do it? Then it happened. A large, black, clawed hand reached out of the hole and slammed down on the floor, followed by another. It caught me off guard, enough that my hold on the spell faltered, and the lights flickered and turned a sickly red for a moment before turning back. The figure began to pull itself from the hole, it had glowing red eyes, with slit pupils like a snake. Twisted black horns sprouted from it's head, surrounded by spiked white hair. It's face was all white, except markings around it's eyes that resembled tears. A smile grew on it's long snout as it pulled itself further out of the hole. I lost track of the spell again, my heart beating faster than ever, and momentarily the figure was pulled back into the hole, before I regained concentration. It pulled further, and I realised just how big it was. I was tall, but this thing was a skyscraper, easily nine to ten feet tall. It’s body was white with black hands and paws, both were clad with long sharp claws. The being flicked it's puffy tail and looked into my eyes, it's mouth twisting into a fanged grin. I started to panic, do I end the spell? Should I keep it going? I began to feel weaker and weaker as well, the strange new magic sucking me dry, especially using it for something this big. And then it stopped, I lost the feeling of exertion that went with spellcasting. The creature had made its way out of the hole, and now stood looking down at me. 

“You opened this door, didn’t you?” It spoke to me, slowly and methodically, as though english wasn't it’s first language. “I, uh, I think I, Uhm.” I stuttered, not sure what I’d gotten myself into, and desperately wishing Sherry would crash through the glass ceiling and save me. “You.. Did not?” It’s voice was slightly raspy. “I must know who to thank.” I’ll admit, that caught me off guard, I wasn't quite sure what this thing was but seeing as it had no clothes and came out of a magic hole I made, thankful wasn't the emotion I thought it would show. “You what?” I blurted it out, and in retrospect it was pretty fucking rude. “I was done a favor.” It leaned in and looked me over, I felt it’s breath on my shoulder as it got closer. “Someone let me come to this world, someone gave me form.” It pulled back, and stretched it's lips into a smile. It was kinda.. I dunno, cute? “I want to be polite, to whomever helped me attain this form.” Now, call me crazy, but when the ten foot tall malnourished hell monster starts smiling with the same awkward sincerity that Sherry uses, and talks about being polite I kind check out. It was just so absurd, especially when I found myself growing attached to it. “I.. Yeah, I made that portal.” It's eyes lit up, and the strange smile came back, the being walked closer, and bowed. “Thank you great mage. It is through your magic that I may have form, that I may inhabit this world. If there is any way I may repay you, you’re only to ask.” After finishing it looked up at me with a light in it's eyes that wasn’t there before. Fuck, this wierd ass is kinda cute. “R-repay me? Are you some kind of familiar? What do you do?” I felt kind of rude talking to it like that, but I wasn't sure what else to say. “Do? I do not ‘do’ anything. I will try to serve, but that is all I may offer for you.” Was mine broken? I stood up, and brushed myself off. “Well, if you don't do anything, how are you gonna serve me?” It seemed pleased to hear me ask, and stood up straight. Fuck, it was huge, clearly around ten feet, and thin. The tear like markings stretched on its face as it smiled again. 

“I am honored that you would ask. I may do your housework, cleaning and the like. I would be honored to help you with your work, gardening, repairs, keeping your mage’s study in order.” Mages study? How old is this thing? “I am no mere familiar, mage. I am a traveller, once I was lost in a sea of doors, infinite worlds that I could see but not enter. Then you, mage, you let me in. You gave me a body. You gave me a purpose, to repay you for the gift of life.” Being honest here, I had no fucking clue what that meant. “Do you have a name?” It frowned. “What do you mean?” I was really confused. “Like your name, what I call you. Don't you have a name?” That seemed to hit a chord, it let out a hoarse laugh “Why in the world would I need a name? I’m simply here to serve you!” The being had no easily identifiable features, so I decided to ask how to address it, at least. “Well.. fine, I’d like to at least know what you are.” The strange creature frowned, it bothered me as it took it from awkward and cute to deeply intimidating. “I told you, I am a traveler.” “no, like are you a boy or a girl?” I pushed. “I am a traveler.” Fun. “Should I call you he or she?” It's expression soured. “Neither please good mage, I am neither your man or your woman. I am a traveler, given form by your magic.” I was reminded of some people on the internet I saw who said they weren't men or women either, I guess this thing is like them. “Well uh, can I give you back?” It was as though I’d just stabbed them, their face drooped, and their eyes teared up. “W-what do you mean? Am I not good enough? I haven’t even had a chance to prove myself! I promise, I’m very strong, I can clean and cook and-” My heart ached watching this ten foot monster start to cry over my words. “I just don't have a place to keep you, see I don't have a home for myself and I thought if you went back you’d be safe there.” The monster got down and begged. “Please good mage, I can help you find a home, I can work and get you money for a home. I can tend your farm, I trade for you at the market!” Farm? Trade?? How old were they? “I just.. Ok. And please, I have a name, it’s Carol.” They wiped tears away with their sharp claws, and pulled a weak smile. Fuck man, I dont think crazy hole monsters should be setting off my crush alarm. “Thank you dear Carol, I do promise you’ll find I’m worth more than I seem. Truthfully, you cannot send me back as is. If you were to uncouple with me and send me back, I would lose my form and my memories of you. Essentially I would die.” Yikes, uhm I understood why they were so desperate. 

It was strange, I began to clean up after myself, considering the spell had finished. But They stopped me and began to do it for me, protesting when I would try to help. “Please good Carol, allow me to take this for you!” They got the chalk up quick, and began to dispose of everything. Soon they were standing next to me with the book clutched safely against their chest. The time came to figure out what to do with them, I was guessing Sherry would know, so I elected to take them to her apartment. “So uh, you wanna meet my friend? She's a way better mage than me, so she can help us figure out what to do with you.” They smirked, a look dripping with confidence. “Oh dear Carol, no they aren't. If your friend is so much better, why were you the one to summon me? I would contend that your friend has their own traveler at their side.” They didn't have to lay it on so thick, I was beet red under my fur. “Sure, whatever you say. Do you have any… clothes?” They crouched a bit, so as the be at eye level and gave me a look as though I spoke german. “Clothes? Why would I wear clothes?” My blush only grew with that one. “Because your n-naked?” They laughed, hoarse and raspy, but warm and comforting. “And why does that matter, dear Carol? You can see I’ve not to hide.” I was this close, I felt as though I was going to burn to a crisp. “Y-yeah but your.. Like, big? And kinda.. S-scary? Not that I’m scared of you!” They seemed bewildered. “Me? Scary? I’m but a traveler, people should know I’m no harm, every summoner worth their salt has a traveler!” I wasn't sure if I didn't awaken some sort of ancient being from bygone eras at this point. I was a mage and I’d never heard of a traveler, or maybe you learn that at more advanced schools than the community college course taught by a human in Hinton virginia. “Well, uhm, we should still hurry!” They stood up to their full height, and offered me their clawed paw. “Let us go together dear Carol, you may lead the way!” I had never met someone I fell for so hard or so fast, and they seemed to have no clue. Their paw was rough, and their claws were clean, and very sharp. But it was warm, and comforting, like having your claws swaddled in a blanket. “Do we gotta, hold hands?” They followed close behind me as I rushed them to Sherry’s block. “I do not wish to get seperated dear Carol, I may be large and easy to find, but what if I lost you?” Considering I was seven foot and three hundred pounds I didn't see the worry. I tapped at my phone to call Sherry, but she didn't pick up, she must have been asleep. When we got to her house my claws were a bit sweaty with their meaty paw holding them. I went ahead and let myself in using the key she gave me, and sure enough it was pitch black. “Dear Carol, what are these buildings? They are far larger than I remember seeing last time I looked through your world’s door.” Fuck they were old as shit. “Uh, they're apartments? How old are you anyway?” They grinned as they exclaimed, “Twenty one!” Bullshit. 

I sat them down on the couch, because the chairs at the table started to protest when they tried to sit at them. I hurried into Sherry’s room, and attempted to wake her. “Yo, Sherry, we have a bit of a problem, can you help me?” She woke slowly, “What? Carol? When did you get here??” “Just come and help, please.” She began to get up, and stopped to put her glasses on, “I’ve thought about it by the by, I think you can stay for a while. Friends gotta look out for each other, right?” I had a bad feeling that would change soon. Sherry stopped dead in her tracks as she walked into the living room, the monster had gotten up, and they were now fiddling with her blu-rays. Sherry was quite literally knocked on her ass, as she fell over from pure shock, “w-what the fuck is t-that t-thing!!!” They stood up as best as they could, the room was not made with beings like them in mind, and they were far too tall for it. They began to innocently wave, and explained, “Hello good mage, dear Carol has told me that you’re a wonderful master of the arcane. So surely you recognise a traveler when you see one?” Sherry couldn't believe her eyes. “A what?” I leaned in, “I uhm, tried to learn some new magic, and I summoned this thing. I'm pretty sure they're harmless though!” They walk over grinning and exclaims, “Oh I’m more than harmless, I am here to help! If dear Carol thinks you are worthy I would love to help serve you as well, good mage.” “It talks? And you aren't shitting yourself, Carol??” Sherry was clearly out of her element. “Oh good mage, please don't call me it, dear Carol has taken to calling me they, it makes sense your kind would have words for beings like me!” I saw her hesitate, weighing her options, before I butted in, “They’re harmless I’m pretty sure. Wouldn’t they have hurt me already?” The creature gave a smile, “Oh perish the thought dear Carol!” Sherry began to pick herself up, and gave me a sidelong glance, “w-what are you going to do with it.. Sorry, them?” And the all important question was asked. “Could.. Could they stay here?” Sherry seemed worried, but also began to consider that perhaps they truly were benign. 

“I will make myself useful for you, good mage. I can clean, cook, perform repairs.” The creature got down and performed an exaggerated bow. “I may not be able to perform magic as you are, but you will find I’m far more useful than a set of enchanted forks.” After a moment the strange absurdity of the situation hit her, and Sherry began to chuckle, “Carol, you summoned an interdimensional butler, what the fuck.” She walked up to them, and began to look the creature over. “So your, a traveler?” They nodded their head. “Do you have a name?” They smiled and shook their head. “Well you need one if you’re going to stay here.” Sherry turned back and flashed me one of her trademark half smiles. It was a relief to know she was willing to let them stay here, considering I really didn't have anywhere else to put a ten foot monster. “Do you have a name good mage?” They pulled their lips back into a gnarled grin. Sherry curtsied and began, “I am Sherry Blaine Addington, I come from a long but little known line of mages from England.” They seemed ecstatic, “A human line of mages? Good Sherry that's amazing, I know of no others, most of my kind are taken by therians!” The beast slowly reached out it's claw, and became more confident when it became clear Sherry didn't mind them putting their claw on her shoulder. “Good Sherry! You must be incredibly important, no?” They really knew how to butter someone up. “Uh no, I’m pretty run of the mill, I make pizza and go to university.” They smiled, “Pizza?” Sherry chuckled, “Names, remember?” It made me happy to see them getting along, but I couldn't wipe the thought from my mind that they were really charming. “Yes good Sherry! I was looking at your blue rays, and if dear Carol allows, I think this one holds a good name.” They reached over, and delicately grabbed a blu ray. They held up a copy of the adventures of peter rabbit, frankly I didn't know Sherry liked that kinda shit. “Beatrix, I would love to be called Beatrix!” Their mouth hung slightly agape, a silly grin splattered on their face. I walked forward, “I think Beatrix is a fine name for you.” My affirmation seemed to be the greatest thing they’d ever heard, as their excitement led them to bring me into a deep hug. 

When you’re someone like me, bear hugs are generally you squeezing someone else. Beatrix was new, as they held me tight, pushing my muzzle into their chest. They were warm and fluffy, like a giant living teddy bear that had its arms replaced with industrial vices. I.. I liked it. “You.. uh.. This is.. You.” I began to stutter, caught off guard by the sudden display of affection. They suddenly withdrew, and looked at me sheepishly, “Im very sorry dear Carol, I was just really excited.” Sherry giggled, “I can tell!” I was blushing, hard, and I knew Sherry noticed. “I don't think she minded your hug, she's just embarrassed.” My blush grew deeper as Beatrix’s face regained it's smile. “I don't need you to talk for me asshole!” Sherry laughed and began to get herself some soda from the fridge. “I will refrain from expressing my excitement so fowardly, apologies dear Carol.” They spoke formally, with warmth in their raspy voice. “No, it's uhm.. It’s ok, I liked it.” I had trouble getting the words out, and could hear Sherry chuckle, but it seemed to make Beatrix’s day as their smile grew across their pointed face, the markings under their eyes distorted by their expression. “You two keep quiet, all right? I got shit to do tomorrow and if you fucks keep me up I’ll kick you out.” Sherry yawned as she walked back to her room, and I was left alone with Beatrix. 

You know, it's a strange experience, sitting with a giant monster you summoned from some fritos a rock and a splattering of your own blood. But I sensed no malice in them, in fact quite the opposite as Beatrix has the innate ability to just make me feel calm around them. “You are very kind dear Carol.” They were sitting on the couch, making sure to sit as proper as they could. It was adorable. “I have seen into the doors of other worlds, of other possibilities.” They looked straight through me, the room was dark, yet their eyes lit up their face like street lamps. “I have seen other travelers, we are not all gifted kind masters like you, dear Carol.” I could see their eyes water slightly. “I’m not.. I don't want to be your master.” I spoke firmly. “Why don't we start with friends?” Their ears stood straight up. “F-friends?” The mist in their eyes grew as a tear began to slide down their gaunt cheek. “We can help each other, I have a job and classes, so I can bring home money, and help you find work maybe. Or if you want you can take care of things around the house.” I sat up in my seat, giving in to the moment. “We can help each other move forward, maybe you’d get along with my friends? You like Sherry, don't you?” Their jaw dipped as they began to breathe heavily, tears in full force now. “I do not.. Understand you dear Carol, are you.. Feeling alright?” Their words came fast and broken, with large pauses in between certain words. I stood up quickly, and they flinched from my sudden movement. “No, I know you’d love my friends, and they'd love you!” I didn't notice as my voice rose. “I’ll help you find work, or hell I’ll make the money in this house!” I began to walk towards them, poor Beatrix was sobbing now. “I want you in my life, I want-” It was as though I was hitting them with every word. “I want.. I like.. I.. like You.” I grabbed their head in my arms, and felt as their horns raked across my arms. I heard their sobs against my chest, and felt my shirt wet with their tears. “I.. I don't *sob* deserve you..” It was sad, seeing this beast reduced to crying into my chest. My arms were on fire, Im pretty sure I cut myself bad on their horns, but I just held there. “I dont care what you deserve, Im what you fucking get.” They rose and pulled me into their arms, their sharp horns pulled against my arms as they moved me and I could see streaks of red showing starkly against their white fur. “I want.. I don't want.. to let go, dear Carol.” Their tears wet my hair as they dug their snout against my head. I pushed my body into them, and they fell back into the couch, with me still in their arms. “Then don't.”

I slept in their arms that night, it was comforting, warm. It was the dead of winter, so having a living throw blanket was nice, I rarely got to share intimate moments with my string of exes, so it was all brand new to me. I didn't sleep very well, as occasionally I’d wake, and see them holding me, eyes squinted shut as they fidgeted and squeezed me tighter. I can only assume they were having nightmares. I wasn’t sure what I had gotten myself into, as I barely knew them. But it felt right, lying there swaddled in their warmth, better than any comforter. For a while I just sat and listened as they slept, putting my head against their chest and hearing the deep breaths they drew. I couldn't deny it any longer. I had a crush on them, and I just hoped they felt the same. It wasn't long until we were roused from our slumber by Sherry’s yelling. “What the fuck happened???? Are you ok Carol?” she shouted and shook me, quickly waking Beatrix as well. “Good Sherry? What's wrong?!” Then I noticed, the scrapes on my arms, the crusted blood, the stains on Beatrix’s fur.. And poor Sherry’s blankets. “I.. huh??!” I tried to push myself up, but it stung as the cuts brushed against the couch. “Allow me dear Carol!” I almost fainted as Beatrix lifted me into the air, holding me in a bridal carry. My muzzle brushed against their matted fur and I smelled the dried blood. “Good Sherry, we must clean the cuts and prepare bandages, and uhm.. I will require a bath.” Sherry looked confused, and still scared, “But how did she get hurt?” I groaned, “I must have cut myself on Bea’s horns.” That seemed to alarm them, “Bea?! Is there another traveler?!” They weren't good at this english language thing. “Bea is short for Beatrix, like a nickname, so it's easier to say.” They squeezed me in their arms. “Nick.. name. Dear Carol I only want you to call me.. Bea.” Sherry had thankfully left for bandages when they pulled that one. “I.. ok.” They walked awkwardly, holding me and crouching through doorways was difficult, but they deposited me on a chair in Sherry’s bathroom. “Alright, I got my first aid kit, move over Beatrix.” Sherry walked in holding a red plastic box. “No no good Sherry, Carols is my best- friend, so I should do it.” Sherry gave me a look that I read as, “Really? Your gonna get with this thing?” A sharp nod sent her away though. “I am very well versed in the art of first aid dear Carol.. May I.. may I call you dear?” they seemed clueless as they looked through the box, ignoring all of the antiseptic wipes they could have used. “You may, Bea. I like it when you call me dear.” I could see it now, they were blushing, a hint of red plastered on their fluffy face. “Those, the squares, pull them open and use the wipe inside.” They hesitantly tore the top off, and seemed amazed at the insides. “Dear Carol, I am sorry for hurting you. My form is not meant for intimacy, my kind are servants created from the subconscious of those who give us form. But without fail we are large, we are sharp.” Their eyes felt cold, despite being lit with a red flame. “I don't mi-” They interrupted me, “We travelers are not meant for this, dear Carol, and I fear I will fail again. It was my fault you were hurt. What if next time it's worse?” They dabbed at my wounds, it stung as they spoke. “We are cold beings, built for work, built for fighting.” They began to tear up again. “Bea..” It was quick, they were good with first aid, and before I knew it I was clean and bandaged. They rose higher above me, not quite their full height, and still so much larger than me, they felt larger than life. They turned to stare in the mirror, marveling at their hollow stretched features. I rose, and stood behind them. I heard them let out a quiet sob as I put my arms around them. “I don’t care what your ‘made’ for, because you’re.. You feel like you were made for.. Me.” I felt stupid letting a line like that out, but it seemed to do the trick for them, they sniffled and asked, “Do.. do you mean that?” I held them tight as I whispered, “I really do.”

It was a hassle, not one I necessarily shied away from, but it isn't easy to clean up when your dealing with a giant monster for your.. Partner? Was it official yet? Did I want it to be? Would they understand, I wasn't sure. But their fur was matted with my blood, and they were starting to stink of metal. The issue came when we realized that not only did they barely fit in the shower, but they didn't understand how to use a shower. I chose to help them out. It was a chore cleaning them, as they were too tall to sit under the shower head, so I had to draw a bath. They barely fit in the tub, but they proved quite flexible. They sat there in the red tinged water as I helped them to clean off. Partway through they asked me, “Dear Carol, am I being a burden? I will attempt to finish this myself so you may leave.” They had an accent, each word was drawn out slightly with their cold raspy voice. It was like hearing a ghost speak. Their comment made me blush, I didn't want to admit I was fine with helping, it felt nice to be close to them. “Nah, I got you, it isn't very hard to help out anyway.” It wasn't really hard, and it was soon that we were done, and their coat was back to being pure white. They stood there drying themself with a towel, and I tried not to look. I hoped they didn't notice my blush. 

It wasn't long before we were finished and me and Bea returned to find Sherry cooking breakfast. “Hey fucks, I got waffles for you.” Fuck, she made good-ass waffles. “Good Sherry, what is a waffle?” Bea made their way to the kitchen to watch her cook.I opted to take a seat and check my social media. Beatrix instantly became more interested in my phone, and begged me to tell them where they could get one and what it did. I made sure to indulge them, as I found the behavior endearing. “So we have a problem now, don't we.” Sherry began to set our food down as she spoke, “We have a ten foot tall beast with giant claws and no clothes.” Bea seemed hurt. “We can't exactly hide them away like fucking E.T, so what do we do?” Bea seemed bothered, “Do.. do summoners no longer keep travelers? I'm quite normal for my kind..” We gave them strange looks. “No, we’ve never seen someone like you before.” My response seemed to chill the air as Bea went quiet. “Well chimeras exist, look at Carol, fuckers got 9 tails and green markings.” Sherry had a point, they didn't look much farther fetched than I did. “Well, except I’m not ten feet tall.” I felt like shit, Bea was dipping their head in shame. “Sure, they're huge, but I figure people will believe they're just a weird kind of therian. Remember people out here are mostly human, so they wouldn't know better.” Bea stuff their face further into their claws, clearly resenting the conversation. “And what do we do if we run into someone who does know?” They finally sat up and spoke, “Perhaps I should remain here. It would pain me to be a burden for you.” We both shut up. “I.. understand you don't want me to view you as naught but a companion, but I still refuse to force you into something just for me.” Their voice trembled slightly. I stood up and began to walk to Sherry’s room, “I have a shirt they might be able to fit.” Sherry called out that I should grab a pair of her shorts for them too. We took a while, but Bea now has some normal clothes on, even though they were clearly too small for them. Their shirt rode up, and the shorts looked cut too high. “Am I presentable now, dear Carol?” Their hoarse voice dripped with glee at their new outfit. “You look fuckin’ great Bea.” 

My compliment earned me a hug, they smelled like flowers, presumably from the soap we used. “So, you wanna go meet some of my friends or what?” I spoke into their chest, letting them hold me longer. “I will be happy doing anything that you would find enjoyable. I am a very easily pleased traveler.” I smiled and put my arms around them, Bea followed suit by tightening their grip on me. “Then let's go meet some of my friends.” My voice was slightly muffled by their fluff. “Well dear Carol, if they're half as good as you are, then I can only hope to imagine how wonderful it will be to meet them.” If they don't cut this out I’m gonna die of heartache.


	2. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I changed the tags for this chapter, there isn't anything that bad, but I wanted to make sure no one would be surprised by the content. I whoever reads this enjoys it, feel free to leave a comment.

The cold hit me hard as soon as I left the apartment. It was winter in Hinton, and the ground was dusted with snowfall. I felt a shiver through my body as wind pushed through my coat. “Fuck, it really came down last night, huh?” I looked back at my companion. They stepped out of the door, and drank in the view. “Oh my! Dear Carol, I have seen snow through many doors, but I have never gotten to.. Feel it.” They gently brushed me aside and strode down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. “Oh my! It is, uh, very cold!” I chuckled softly to myself, they really weren’t dressed for the weather. “No shit it’s cold, genius.” I began down the staircase. “Well yes, I understood it would be, I was simply unaware to the extent!” They were walking around wide eyed seemingly amazed by every little thing. Occasionally they'd get really close to a particularly amazing piece of the parking lot and look it over. “You think this is sick? Wait till summer,it’s a lot better.” I walked past them, and they pulled away to follow me, offering their paw. “All the plants get bright green, you can hear cicadas chirping from the trees.” Bea perked up as I took their paw in mine. “Cicadas? Those are?” I gave an awkward smile, I guess they wouldn't know much , considering. “They're these little bugs, they're loud as shit and kinda annoying. But I dunno, they make me think of home.” 

It was a quiet walk through a little bit of forest that connected our apartment complex, and main street. I wanted to take Bea to go meet Cameron, as truth be told, he was my only other consistent friend that wasn’t someone I only saw while drunk. The trees were swaddled with white, their boughs weighed down. I noticed it quickly, Bea was shivering. “You uh, you gonna be ok? You seem really cold.” They straightened up to their full height, pulling my paw up with them. “Why of course dear Carol, how would I be able to serv- to be a good friend if a little cold was all it took to best me?” They were still having trouble remembering that I wasn't going to be their master. “You dumb ass, I’d like to help if I can. You want my coat? I’m wearing more under it than you are.” I saw them blush a bit. “Well, perhaps I will let you know if I require it.” I smiled, fucking dork. Soon the trees faded, and we were on the main street of Hinton. The buildings were frosted, and Christmas decorations were up across town. The street was littered with signs for trees on sale and various Christmas shopping events. We were headed to a local cafe where I knew Cameron would be. The Foghorn, it was owned by his parents, who wanted him to take over for them. He didn’t want to, Cameron was convinced he had the chops to be an engineer out in silicon valley; I would always try to support his dream. 

The bell rang as we walked in, though Bea had issues getting through the relatively small door. It was clearly not made with therians in mind, let alone something like them. “Welcome to the.. Oh hello Carry!” A kind old voice reached us, as a timber wolf therian rushed to the front, slowing as she noticed it was only me. “Good morning Mrs.Brown! Is Cameron here?” She was getting old, but she aged well with long white hair shed pull into a bun, and a warm inviting smile. She was also as short as Cameron, I’d never known my parents much, but I spent a lot of time with Cameron’s. They felt like they cared for me, considering I was one of the only other therians in town. “Oh, Cameron is in the back, would you like me to get him for you?” I smiled, “No that's ok, I’ll g-” She hushed me, “nonsense, your a guest here! Take a seat, I’ll fetch him and some food, don't tell Harris it's on the house!” She gave a coy smile and a wink. “And before I let you leave, who's your big friend here?” Bea ushered me aside, and gave a sweeping bow. “Hello ma'am, I am Beatrix, dear Carol’s traveler friend.” I could see a change in her face as they introduced themself, I’ll admit I was worried. “Do you have a last name?” Bea lifted themself back up, “Dear carol has not given me one yet.” They gave a stupid grin as they proudly announced my part in their name. Maybe it was selfish, but their introduction irked me. “You, hmmm.” I blushed, and started to lead Bea to a table, the shop was empty this early. “It’s a joke, can you go grab Cameron for me?” She smiled, not as warmly as before, and hurried off. “Bea, what the fuck.” They looked confused, and slightly hurt. “What, did I do something incorrectly? I was attempting to be polite to her.” They frowned. “Normally people dont have others chose their names, so it's fuckin’ weird for you to say I haven't given you a name yet!” I was whispering, but in a harsh voice. Their expression soured further, and they put their head in their claw, watching the door to the kitchen. “Oh.. I am quite sorry that I embarrassed you, dear Carol.” I felt bad for laying into them like that, they had no way of knowing better after all. “It's, it's ok. I just want people to like you.” “oh.” That was all I got out of them. “Hey! There’s my favorite catsune! So what's goi- Hey big motherfucker!” Cameron was strutting out from the back, fucking of course he thought finger guns were cool. His comment, however seemed to make Bea uncomfortable, as they stayed quiet. “This is my new roommate, their names Beatrix.” Cameron pushed me into the booth, and sat down next to me, “That's chill, but why are they so damn big?” He was clearly making them upset, as they refused to make eye contact. I didn't have a good answer, “I mean, they are, what the fuck stop being a dick.” Cameron didn't stop. “Yeah sure, your friends got horns and shit, fuckin’ demon lookin’ mother fucker.” They spoke abruptly, “Dear friends, I do not like this conversation, apologies.” This was going swimmingly.

Cameron sat there, and fidgeted slightly, “Oh, uh I'm sorry if that was a bit much.” Bea perked up, but the tension was still there, “I guess jokes before you even know my name is comin’ out fast and loose, huh?” They gave him a smile, “Do not worry about it friend. I am very forgiving!” I saw their teeth as they spoke, long and sharp, not quite like my fangs. It was slow going getting used to the fact that they could probably gore me in a second if they wanted, considering how gentle they were. “Heh, well I’m Cameron. This is my family’s cafe!” He gestured around, “Pretty tight, huh?” I sneered at him, “And you say you don’t wanna take over.” Bea chuckled as he lowered his voice, “Well, just because I like it don’t mean I wanna own it, idiot.” Bea, was smiling, “It is pretty nice here, I put a lot of work into making sure of that fact. Your meals, Beatrix, Carol.” Mrs.Brown had arrived, and she spoke our names as she set down the food. They served country style breakfast here, and it was to die for. I found myself thinking a lot about food when I was tense, and this was one of those moments. I just wanted them to like Bea. They dug right in, as Mrs.Brown shattered the mood. “So, Beatrix, where are you traveling from?” I choked on my hash browns, and Cameron, fucking asshole, made it worse. “Yeah like, whatever about the looks but the Carol I know has like three friends, you her pen pal or some shit?” Bea was looking at me, and had stopped eating. “Uhm, I hail from..” It made sense that they wouldn’t know any locations on the modern map. “They're from.. My hometown, Memphis.” I interjected, “I knew them as a kid.” I knew it was a shit lie, but Cameron didn't have to make it worse, “Weren't you sent here as an orphan when you were like five? How’d you remember them, let alone find them?” Bea was tapping their claws on the table. “Uuh, the internet?”

Mrs.Brown spoke up first, “Honey, I think I know what's going on here, you don’t need to lie to me.” I had no clue what she could possibly have thought was going on, but I went with it, “You uh, do?” Bea was tapping faster, and giving me strange looks. “Cameron, go grab some coffee, I need to talk with your friends alone.” Cameron left, seemingly glad to be separate from the awkward situation. She spoke softly, occasionally looking around, “Honey, where did you find that spell? I didn't think there was a mage alive who remembered how to call a traveler.” Beatrix perked up, a grin on their face, “Mrs.Brown, how do you know about my kind? Dear Carol says it’s a dead art!” I was flabbergasted. “It is, honey. I’m one of the few who remembers you exist, and even I don't know the spell! My mother had a traveler companion, s’really the only reason I remember as well as I do” I had always known the Browns were a mage family, it wasn't hard, most therians at least dabbled in magic. I was surprised however to learn the extent of their work. “They were a little shorter than you, and more muscular, mostly brown and black. But they had horns, and those glowing eyes as well.” Bea seemed relieved to meet someone who understood their plight. “Thing is though, Beatrix, most travelers don't have names, and even fewer work for such low level mages. So what exactly is going on?” Bea was positively beaming, and had resumed eating their hash browns. “You must understand, I thought it would be improper to have a name as well, but dear Carol thought it was imperative. She wants me to be her.. Friend.” The words dripped off their tongue, almost with distaste. 

I thought it was time to speak up, “I don’t want a servant, and if giving Bea back means they’ll die, then they gotta make do as my friend.” I hoped I sounded confident, I may have just sounded stupid. “Dear Carol, do not worry, I have had ample time to come to terms with our arrangement!” They sounded happy, they were grinning that silly grin, but the words came out resentful. “Well, it takes me back to meet a traveler. My mother’s used to watch me when I was young, they were so kind, but most non mages were wary of them.” It was strange, I’d known her for so long, but I realized I didn't know much about Mrs.Brown’s childhood. “Even when I was little it was very out of the ordinary to have a traveler, no ones bothered much with any form of summoning since, goodness, since the nineteen hundreds.” Bea slowly stopped eating, “Excuse me, Mrs.Brown, but what year is it?” She smiled, it was her usual smile again. “Well, right now it's twenty eighteen.” They sat their fork down. “Twenty.. Eighteen.” I trusted them about being twenty one, but I’ll admit this was strange. “It has been so long, has it not? Since my kind were commonplace.” Mrs.Brown gave them a solemn nod, “A little over a hundred years by now.” I wasn't very hungry anymore, and I barely poked at my eggs. “I am very sorry dear friends, but that is a lot for me to take in.” Mrs.Brown put her arm around Bea, and they leaned into her embrace. “You don't need to worry about it, dear. Anything that goes wrong, you're with Carry, so you’ll always have a place here.” She spoke softly into Bea’s ear. She got up, and began back towards the kitchen, and soon Cameron returned in her place.

I felt terrible that I had nothing to say. “So uh, ma said it was ok if I came back, what went down anyway?” Cameron was walking towards us, and I saw Bea start to smile again. I hated seeing them do it, their expression seemed forced. “Why good Cameron, I simply told your mother where I am from! She is very kind, not unlike you!” Cameron seemed unwilling to push it further. “ Well I mean, ight. Yall’s got any plans today?” Beatrix resumed wolfing down their meal as I spoke. “Me and Bea are gonna go shopping, get them some winter clothes. Sherry wanted me to go shopping anyway, so no big.” Cameron smiled and sipped his coke, “There's no good clothes shop in Hinton though.” I sighed, “Uh yeah, I was hoping I could use your car.” Cameron smiled, “Buy me gas and some groceries and I got you!” Thank god he was willing to let us use it, I drove but didn’t own a car, Cameron always let me use his. “Nice, what you want me to grab?” He pulled out his phone and began to type, “Here I’ll send you a text, grab me a new t-shirt, and some candy.” Fucking hard ass, “And this is on my bill?” He grinned as he threw me the keys, “You're in my car, so only fair!” 

Bea wasn't sure what they thought of cars, they were small, and it made them claustrophobic trying to squeeze into Cameron’s tiny red coupe. “Oh dear, uhm dear Carol, I do not think this.. Car, was meant for someone like me.” I helped them to pull the seat back, and squeeze in as best they could, but their knees were pushed up into their face no matter how they sat. “You’re, uh kinda in there, will you be ok gettin’ your shit squished?” They looked at me and nodded, they smiled at me. “I will be fine, dear Carol. I do not want you to worry about me!” I shrugged and got in. “So, Dear Carol, what is this machine?” I gave them a strange look, “It’s a car, you get in it and you can make it move, uh kinda like riding in a carriage.” They seemed upset, “Oh, I never rode in a carriage.” I cursed at myself for that one. “Well, this’ll be new then!” They perked up a bit, until I turned the key. The engine roared to life, and Bea panicked. They tightened their form, and dug their claws in the seat, while releasing a small yelp. “Fuck! You ok?” I was worried they’d gotten hurt somehow, “I.. I am sorry dear Carol, the machine’s noise was, it simply startled me a bit. Oh, this is embarrassing.” They blushed and stuffed their gaunt snout into their claws. I reached out, and took one of their paws in mine. “Don’t feel bad, Bea. If it makes you feel any better, it was kinda cute.” I blushed as I said it. “It.. thank you, dear Carol, I like you telling me I am, cute. I dont not usually get called.. Cute.”

The road between us and Charleston was pretty in the west Virginia winter, with snow all along the flat ground. The fields were all empty, to avoid the frost. Bea had changed their mind, they loved the car. I had never gotten to make this drive with a companion. I had the radio cranked up, playing whatever music came from my playlist, and we just drove. Beatrix would comment on every little thing they saw, clearly in awe at the world around them. “Bea, I got a question.” I turned the radio down as I spoke. “Why do you call me dear?” They blushed hard, I could see them hiding their face out of the corner of my eye. “Dear Carol, you are, you are just that, dear to me. I want to show that in my speech.” I chuckled, and they blushed harder. It was cute, every word made it seem as though they’d never been close to someone before, I guess that made some sense. “I uhm, I understand, yeah. Well I don’t mind, I guess.” They nodded eagerly, and then went back to looking out the window. It was strange having someone address me with affection, I guess I was just as new to this as they were. It was a quiet ride, occasionally broken by Bea telling me about a dog they found, or a particularly pretty part of the countryside, or a big factory full of what they called, “Giant signal fires.” They meant smokestacks.

Coming into town was something special, it was amazing, all at once they perked up and began to look around. They were in awe of the buildings, even with them being fairly small. Bea would look at the people walking by as we drove, and marveled at how many cars were rushing down the street. “Dear Carol, there are many people around! I do not believe I have ever been to such a populated place!” I made a mental note to take them to Memphis someday. “Yeah, it's bigger than Hinton, but it ain't huge, my hometown is way bigger.” They looked at me, mouth agape, “Bigger?” “Way bigger!” It wasn't a long drive to the closest shopping mall, but it was hard to get Bea back out of the car again. “Oh dear Carol! Look at all the cars, I have never seen so much machinery in one place” They looked out of place, standing a head over even the largest SUV. “Yeah, I guess it is kinda crazy when you think about it. C’mon, I don't wanna waste time.” They bounced slightly as they strode, and of course, made me hold their hand. “Dear Carol! Look how the doors open when I walk close to them! We must be activating some sort of spell as we approach, right?” They thought everything was amazing. What wasn’t so amazing however were the looks we got. I don’t think they noticed at first, but people were shying away from us, and giving nasty looks, even therians. “Uh, yeah, it's pretty tight.” I started to rush them to the clothing shop. It wasn’t much better when we got there however, “Welcome.. You two?” The clerk seemed wary of us, so I tried to pull Bea to the back with me. “So, what kind of clothing are you going to get for me?” They still seemed chipper at least. “I was wondering what’d fit you, you are kinda, you know.” I walked over, and grabbed a large sweater, and some gigantic sweatpants, they weren’t fashionable, but they looked warm. “Well, go try ‘em on.” 

They began to take off their shirt, and I had to stop them. “Huh? You told me to try the clothing on!” I was blushing, “No, idiot, in the dressing room!” They looked confused, “The what?” I had to show them where it was, and we got a couple more gross looks, and some parents taking their kids away from Bea. But soon they emerged, clad in the new clothes. “Huh, pretty well.” They looked adorable, the sweater was a bit short, but the pants fit well. “I am fond of these clothes! They are very soft, like you!” I blushed and looked around to see if anyone heard. “Well, uhm.. get back in your other clothes, and let's go, I got shit we gotta grab.” 

Next came the supermarket, Beatrix was horrified to learn we couldn't haggle with the shop keep for the prices of our groceries. “I do not understand why we can not simply refuse to pay until they give us a better price!” I had to explain it’s because then someone else would just buy the products we didn't. They wanted to stop, and show me how the vents near the doors shot gusts of air, they had it in their head they were enchanted. The hardest part was explaining self checkouts. “Dear Carol! Some mage is talking through the machine! How do they know the price of our purchases?” I sighed, and began to explain, “No it a fake voice, there's no one on the other side. It’s automated.” they looked at me funny, “Automated?” I rushed them to leave, explaining as we walked, I should have been having fun, they were being adorable. But I couldn't shake the dirty looks we were getting, it made my skin crawl. Finally was candy, so we headed to the sweets shop near the mall. “Carol, I have not had sweets before, may I get one?” I smiled, and gave them a quick hug, “Sure I guess, and uh how the fuck are you twenty one and never had candy before?” They frowned, “I have lived in a sea of impassable doors for twenty one years.” Great one idiot. “Well, yeah, pick something out.” We looked out of place in the candy shop, it was mostly full of parents with their kids looking for sweets, no one else was a grown adult with their monster friend.I felt bad, but I was embarrassed. It wasn’t hard to find the hard candies Cameron usually likes, but problems arose when I heard a mother cursing very loudly. “What the fuck are you, get away from my kid!” I turned to see Bea shying away from a woman screaming herself red. “I am very sorry ma’am, your child approached me, I did not-” The woman cut them off with more screaming, “I don’t care if my kid tried to kick you, never go near my children again you fucking monster.” The words rolled off her vitriolic tongue, and I rushed over to defend Bea. “The fuck do you want, bitch! Get away from my friend.” She only grew redder, “Your ‘friend’ is some kinda fucking monster, get that thing under control before it kills someone, find a leash or something!” I wasn’t going to take that, I was seeing red. “How about you shut the fuck up, before someone does get hurt. And I’ll let you know right now it won't be because of my friend.” I felt Bea try to pull me away, but I kept pushing. “So get your crusty fucking face away from me and my friend before I make some bad choices. Got it?” Her child was sobbing, and Bea was trying to pull me away. She seemed intimidated, “You’re all the same, fucking thugs with no sense.” I had never been so livid, and I had trouble understanding why I was willing to fight for Bea, when I never stood up for myself. I like to think I would have made the right choice, but it didn’t matter, Bea was tired of my shit and pulled me away. I guess they overestimated how much I weighed, because they sent me falling on my ass a foot or two away. The woman sneered, “Look how safe that thing is, it won't even hold back from hurting it's owner.” I heard her laugh as I stormed away.

“Can you believe how she talked about you? Fucking disgusting, that lady thought she was so great because she was pretty and had money.” It felt like forever driving back. “Fucking idiot probably got a divorce, I don’t know how someone that gross could have a husband.” I ranted as we drove, the radio was off, and the air was thick with tension. “Fucking, I’ve never met a worse person in my life, bitch was gross as shit, right Bea?” They were being quiet. “Bea?” I looked over, their eyes were red, well more than usual, and tears were streaming down their face, staining the shorts we’d given them. “Bea??” They wouldn’t look at me. “I do not wish to talk right now, I am sorry.” I felt disgusting, maybe I went overboard. It was a hard drive home, I just parked the car outside our place and texted Cameron, I didn't want him to see them like this. “So, Bea?” They rushed inside before me. “I still do not wish to talk, please understand dear Carol.” I couldn’t help but wonder if it was my fault. I hurried inside after them, though they slammed and locked the bathroom door immediately upon entering. I could hear them sobbing inside. I knocked a couple times, “Please dear Carol, I do not wish to talk to you right now. There is not a nicer way for me to say that, I am sorry if it offends you.” I felt so terrible, “I wanna help if I can!” There was a pause, and the door opened. They stood there, the neck of their shirt was stained with tears, and their eyes were puffy. They let out little sobs as I lead them to the couch. “Bea, sit down, c’mon talk to me!” There was a moment of them staring at their claws, before they dragged me into a bear hug and began to sob onto my shoulder.

“Dear Carol, I.. I do not know why I.. thought this was a good idea.” Their words came through small sobs. They were breathing heavy, and they were starting to soak my shirt too. “It’s ok Bea, it was a fine idea, don’t let one fuck face ruin your life.” They started to cry harder, “It was not one woman, did you not see all the looks we were receiving?” they pulled me tighter, and their claws started to dig into my sides. “Do you not remember how good Cameron and his mother reacted upon my arrival?” I should have expected this, I felt responsible. “Do you not remember how I struggled to even understand the new marketplace? Oh, what people must have thought of me.” They began to squeeze tighter, “Do you not remember how mad everyone was that you were yelling? You were yelling because of me, it was my fault!” Their claws dug in, and it was enough to make me curse. “Argh, fuck!” They retracted at once, faster than I’d ever seen them move. “I.. it was.. You just scraped me a bit…” They had stopped crying, and just stared at me in sheer horror. “Really, it’s fine!” I tried to protest but they just stared at me, just as I started to get scared for them they stood up. “Dear Carol, that woman was correct, I am nothing more than a monster.” They were talking quietly. “A big, disgusting monster.” I began to get up, but they didn't seem fazed. “Dear Carol, I told you I would hurt you again, did I not?” I was starting to get annoyed, in retrospect it was selfish. “Bea, I swear you barely scraped me, your making a mountain out of nothing.” They looked at me, their big red eyes shining eerily in the dim interior of the apartment. “I failed, I hurt you at the shop as well, did I not? I am sorry dear Carol, I am nothing more than a worthless abhorrent beast.” I spoke, tears glazing my eyes as well now, “No, you don’t get to just say that, asshole! Cameron came around didn't he?” I wasn't doing a good job of voicing my feelings. “Dear Carol, Cameron required your assistance to ‘come around,’ and what about you and good Sherry?” They began to raise their voice as well, “You two were scared of me as well, just like all the others!” I was shaking with anxiety, and my legs felt as though they would give out. I dealt badly with conflict. “Dear Carol, I just want your kind to accept me! If I can’t have my master, if I don’t get to serve, because of you no less. What do I get?” They seemed so hung up on it. “You can have friends you fucking idiot!” They began to walk towards me, “What if I do not want friends? I have no choice of anything deeper! Even if I was to go through your kind’s methods!” They motioned to themself, making a sweeping motion. “Who could love me? You said it well, I am large, I am sharp, I am a monster!” I was done, “I COULD!!!” I yelled it far too loudly. 

Tears were streaming down my face as I stared at my paws on the ground. It felt as though the tears were evaporating on my face I was blushing so hard. They looked at me in disbelief, “You.. what?” I closed my eyes and began to yell, if I didn’t say it now chances were I never would. “I could, me, mother fucker! And.. I Do… that.. Love.. you I mean.” They stared at me, mouth agape. “You.. love me?” I nodded furiously. “You mean that, romantically?” “How the fuck else could I mean?” I ran to them and took them in my arms, it took a moment but they reciprocated. “You.. could.. me? But I am.. Like this.” I pushed them back onto the couch, and stuffed my head against their chest. “I don't fucking care how you look idiot, that isn't how love works.” They spoke slowly, “How.. does love work?” I began to speak, “I love you because of your smile, I love your voice and how you speak, when you get excited over something new, I love that.” They seemed confused, no one must have ever spoke to them like this. “I love how kind you are, I love that you try to help others, you’re friendly.” I was crying into their chest, they had stopped and was just holding me. “I shouldn't have to fucking justify it, I just love all of you, I don't care if you’re scary!” I looked up at them, “I think you’re cute, like a big stuffed animal.” A smile spread across their face. “I love you, you fucking idiot. I just.. I hope you feel the same for me.” They leaned in and spoke into my ear, “I think I do.” 

I began to chuckle, the first person to ever treat me this way was a creature from who knows where with horns and the devil’s eyes. But they loved me, and I loved them, so why did it matter? “I, dear Carol, love you. I love the way you speak, your speech is much different than mine, I, I like that it is endearing.” They stroked my head softly with their claw. “I love you’re empathy, you make me feel, you make me feel like I matter.” It was comforting, but kind of scary. “I think you are.. Cute, you are smaller than I am, yet you are easy to hold, I do not have to fear for your.. well being.” I had never had a relationship like this, and the commitment was daunting, but not in an oh shit way, more like starting a great new job. I was excited. “Dear Carol, I do not like deceiving you.” What? “I told you my kind die when they are uncoupled, but that is not entirely true, I simply did not want to go back.” Oh fuck, what? “I have told at least half truths, I was alive for twenty one years, I was simply in existence for far longer.” They ran their claws across the top of my head, it was comforting. “When a traveler is uncoupled we are sent back to the sea, and we lose our form, our memories however, stay.” I looked up at them, it seemed to hurt to say it. “We do not change or grow, it is as though time ceases to exist.” They started off into space as they spoke, it seemed to take a lot to tell me this. “We do not eat, or breathe. It is as though we are asleep.” I was having trouble parsing their words. “Sometimes we wake, and we can see the doors.” “Then how are you so sure you’re twenty?” They looked down at me, and tried to smile, “Twenty one, dear Carol.” I smiled, that was cute. “I have been alive for twenty one years, outside of the sea.” 

I felt like I should have been shocked, but I already expected they were lying somehow about their age. There's no other reason they would have such a poor understanding of the modern world. “How long ago was that?” They looked wistful, staring out the dimming window. “It will have been hundreds of years now, I do not recall the exact date.” I was sort of upset with myself for not being shocked, but I felt more like my suspicions were simply being affirmed. “Do you happen to remember what I told you last night?” I shook my head, they told me a lot last night. “Well, I will have told you, not all travelers are gifted with kind masters, even fewer with mast- partners, like you.” They weren’t crying this time, I guess they were all cried out on the subject. I wanted to comfort them, but I felt I should let them finish. “I was unfortunate, I was summoned to a group of terrible mages.” They held me close, stroking my hair. “Very much happened, between them and me, I do not recall everything.” I was having trouble staying quiet, I just wanted them to shut up. To think it was all a joke. “I’m not sure I get it, what.. Did they do?” They didn't speak for a while, instead opting to bring me into a tight hug. “I am sorry, but it hurts for me to try and remember, I am sure you would understand, no?” I don’t know how I felt, some kind of seeping mixture of hate and disgust spread through me. I had no way to help, I wasn’t going to be able to pull answers from them, and even so the people who hurt Bea had been in the dirt for a couple centuries. “I.. yeah, no I understand.” I don’t know if I did, at the time I probably thought I never would. I just wanted to wave a magic wand and make everything go away. “At least.. At least it's over, yeah?” They felt tense. “Yes.. over.” I felt selfish, I just wanted them to be happy again, I don’t remember how much of that was because I cared for them. 

It was hard for me to think, because they’d stopped stroking my hair, and had tightened their grip on me. “Maybe we.. should just try and think about somethin’ else then, yeah?” They seemed to break themself away from their thoughts, and looked at me, “I think I would enjoy that very much.” I spent the rest of the evening trying to tech Bea about Netflix, and we settled on fantasy as their favorite genre. They loved how it reminded them of their old life. It was charming how they would try to correct the shows on all they got wrong. “You know, dear Carol, we did not have dragons back then.” They spoke as though I should be surprised, and I gave them differing reactions ranging from interested, to teasing. Bea had a lot of trouble telling which was which. “So, no dragons, huh? What about vampires?” They chuckled and pet my head, “No dear Carol, no vampires either.” I loved hearing them talk, it helped to bring me down from the earlier stress. It took a while, but we eventually dozed off, I didn’t sleep well that night either, Bea kept having nightmares again. Sherry found us the next morning, cuddling on the couch. I wanted to believe that everything would be ok. I wanted to think I’d found my true love. I wasn't the best with predictions.


	3. Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one has a slightly graphic scene in the beginning, so fair warning to all who may read this.  
> In case it isn't clear, this chapter takes place from Bea's point of view, the next couple of chapters will also use other pov's
> 
> I'm trying to finish this one, and there probably will be only three to four more chapters, it's been great to start writing again.  
> If even one person reads this, I hope you enjoy what I've made! Feel free to leave a comment!

“You have slept enough, awaken.” There was a sound, that of metal against metal. I opened my eyes, and began to look around. It was as I remembered it, I was in my cage, and my master was standing before me, rattling a metal cup against the bars. He was a heavyset man with a beard, who only wore the finest of linens and silks. “Master, I am dearly sorry, please accept my utmost apologies!” The man sneered at me, and began to lecture me, “You understand this should not be my job, waking you. It would be proper for you simply to rise at the appropriate time.” He was right. I should have woken myself. My master began to walk away, and soon returned with a plate of food. “Eat, beast. You have a long day in front of you.” I was grateful for the food, I had not eaten in a while and although it was rather tasteless it made me feel full. “I do? Dear master, I would assume I am back to patrolling, with Aldis?” My poor master’s expression soured, “No, you would be on the front lines today, do not go making assumptions, you can wait for my word.” It hurt me to watch him disappointed, yet I shrugged it off, it could be made up for later. “Wait here, quietly, Keaton will arrive shortly to assist with your washing, you look abhorrent.” My heart sank as he left, I had upset him twice in one morning! I looked down at myself, he was correct, I was a disgrace. My fur was covered in blood and grime, my once white coat was now a blackish red, I reeked of entrails. I attempted to pick some of the dried flesh from my claws, but it was too caked in. To be truthful it didn’t matter even if I could, I knew my teeth were stained red as well, and that was to say naught of the muck in my short cropped hair. 

I waited patiently for Keaton, though somewhere in my heart I did not want him to come, I knew he would have nothing kind to say to me. He was not fond of me, thinking me a burden. But if master wanted Keaton to help me, I would attempt to facilitate a relationship. Even then I was not waiting for long, as he soon approached. Wearing his chain mail, with his saber at his hip, he looked as true knight should. Keaton was a kindly looking young bull therian, and was adored for his good looks. “Well, beast. It would seem that Lord Roldan wishes I to clean you. As though he could not have given me a better job.” He was carrying a metal bucket, and some brushes. The look in his eyes was that of pure hate. I felt terrible, knowing I was such a burden. “Well? Have you no sense? Up!” I rose as fast as I could, hoping to please him. I was not successful, I made a mental note to perform better next time. “Good Keaton, I do not wish to impose, if you simply leave the supplies I may wash myself.” I wanted to please him so badly, to prove my worth. “As if, monster! If Lord Roldan finds I have left you alone without shackles it would be my head on the block.” The knight began to organize the materials, and filled his bucket from the nearby pump. After preparing Keaton released me from my bindings. I felt at my wrists, they were raw, and the fur had begun to chafe off. “Now, beast, stand still.” I was obedient, as he began to pour frigid water on me. The day was already cold, and I felt as though I would pass out from the water on my coat. “What, are you shivering? Oh, does the poor beast wish me to find something warmer?” I gave him a timid nod, truthfully naught much would be worse than this. “Perhaps I could use latrine water then, why in the lord's name does Roldan even care if your well kept?” He coated me in another bucket, I saw the water run red onto the grass. “You are a worthless monster, it is not as though you even understand the worth of being clean!” 

Keaton began to scrub my back, after getting me wet. I had to bend over very far for him to reach, considering he was fairly short. “I would swear that if I were to ask you what a humor was, you would wonder if it was edible.” He was right, I had an understanding of naught much beyond the battlefield, and according to my master I was not well versed in even that. Keaton moved to scrubbing my chest, before he spoke, “You know, beast, I have an issue.” It was surprising to hear Keaton talk of anything but his resentment towards me. “Uhm.. yes good Keaton?” there was a pause before he brought his gauntlet against my stomach, and hit me hard enough that I doubled over. “Never beast. Never call me by my Christian name, you may refer to me by my title, ‘knight of Ashebourne.” I was wheezing on the floor, he had struck me in the lungs, and it was difficult to breathe. “Go on, apologize.” He stood above me, I wanted to speak, but my breath had yet to return to me. “You have naught to say to me? No worries, I will simply let Lord Roldan know of your failure.” My thoughts began to race, I was deathly afraid of what would happen if I were to fail my master three times in such quick succession. “Please… good knight, do not” I managed only a few words. “You, beast, are lucky that I am an honorable knight. I will overlook this.” My relief was indescribable, and I attempted to rise. I have a lot of bad habits, my master tells me of them regularly. One of my failings is that I am dearly fond of embraces, and I have issue holding myself back. “Thank.. You good knight!” I was still huffing as I went to pull Keaton into an embrace. He was screaming the moment my wet fur touched his uniform. “You disgusting, worthless creature!” He shoved me to the ground, and struck me. “Do you think before you act? Why in the name of the lord would I want you to rub that bloodstained mess you call a body against my silks?” I was whimpering as he struck me again, I felt it draw blood as the metal of the gauntlet scraped on my skin. “I do.. I.. know.. I am.” It felt as though my chest had begun to tighten, my mind was as though it was someone else’s. Keaton started to remove his chain mail, not before giving me a solid kick to the ribs. My idiotic actions had stained his silk doublet. “Look at what you have done, do you have a single thought in that hollow skull of you wear so proudly?” I felt warm tears begin to stream down my face, I opened my mouth to speak but my words had left. I sat there mouthing waiting for sense to make itself. “And now you can not speak? Did the cat steal your tongue? Or do you simply have nothing to say for yourself.” “...Sorry.” His face lit up red, “Sorry? You think a simple sorry could fix your misdeed?” I saw him pull back, before he sent his fist into my face. Everything was white, and my eyes hurt, but it died down quickly enough. I was sitting on a couch, with a large white catsune in my arms. 

“Rise and shine you two, I’m having people over today so you can't colonize my couch.” I looked to the source of the voice, it was good Sherry speaking. I did not like how hard she was to read, her voice was calm, but she refused to show her emotions on her face. “I am sorry, we will move.” My voice came out trembling. She looked at me, holding her lack of emotion. “You can have my bed if you wanna sleep in, I’ll tell ‘em not to bother you.” It was only a memory, but I was shaking. I put my arms around Carol and squeezed her tightly. I stuffed my muzzled against her shoulder and let her warmth comfort me. “I am sorry.” She moved slightly, “What?” her voice was little more than a mumble as she shifted to reciprocate my embrace. “Nothing, dear Carol, Good Sherry wishes us to wake up.” She pulled me tight against her, “Fucking.. Tell her to go away.” I wished to do the same, to stay there for longer, but I was worried about imposing. “I believe it would be best if we awoke, perhaps we may spend time together somewhere else?” I heard her sigh, and she began to get up, “No, if it's time to get up then I got shit to do. I got work today.” I was not aware that she had previous involvements. “Work?” She smiled at me, and kissed my cheek, “I work at the Walmart in town, I stock the shelves.” I felt cold without her in my lap. “Oh, you will be away?” She gave a curt nod, and left to get dressed. I felt as though I was going to be sick. I had not spent much time away from dear Carol since she had summoned me, and the thought of being alone frightened me. I was, however, unwilling to let her know of my feelings. I had thought it improper to trouble her. 

“I’m gonna go fucking ballistic if I see that lady again, after she held me for like twenty minutes, she called Cameron and told him to fire me.” We all sat at the dinner table, good Sherry had made breakfast for us, and Carol passionately telling us of an abhorrent customer she had been forced to deal with. I wanted to sympathize, but I had never had a ‘job’, unless one was to count my old life. “Can't Cameron tell her to fuck off? I’d think that counted as disruptive or something.” Sherry was joining us this time, as she had her day free. “Fucking, it's Walmart, she didn't get kicked out she got a gift card and a pat on the back.” I had nothing to contribute, so I simply followed back and forth. “No I get you, shit sucks. We don't get a lot of that at Papa’s.” Their words were kinder than I was used to , so it felt nice to simply listen, though I dearly wanted to involve myself. “Yeah, no it's shit but like, I dunno, do what you gotta do I guess.” Carol sighed as she took another bite of her sandwich, Sherry had made us sandwiches out of ‘English’ muffins, though I did not remember them from my stint in Ashbourne, I chalked that up to the fact that I ate very little during my stay. “I guess I should head off, hey Bea you’re gonna be aight without me right?” I locked eyes with her for a moment, though words did not come. A certain anxiety had been eating at me after my nightmares, and it led to troubles with my speaking. “Bea?” They came to me after prompting, “Yes, I will.” Dear Carol looked at me strangely, I wonder if she was worried for me. “Well ight, see you fuckers tonight.” Carol got up, and left, after collecting her possessions. Sherry eyes me, “You uh, mind clearing out for the day? You know, I got people coming over.” I wished to beg her to let me stay, more than anything else at that moment, “I will make myself scarce for you.” 

 

I had felt fear before, fear of what others would think of my appearance, fear of what my master would say when I failed, fear of abandonment. This was something else, I could think of little to do to occupy myself, especially considering that I had little understanding of my surroundings. I did, at least, remember the route Carol had taken me through to reach town, so I wished to explore, and see what had changed. The world seemed larger without her by my side, and I worried several times that I may have gotten lost, yet I arrived at the main street. It was intimidating to take in, nothing had changed from the day before, except me. I was not hungry, so I did not wish to find food, and I did not want to be a burden for the kind Brown family, so I picked a direction, and began to walk. I was not sure what I wanted to find, but various small shops were all that seemed to litter the street. I found smoking shops, one ‘game’ shop, a couple of what I could only assume were inns, and an ‘antique’ shop. The final one was interesting to me, as it seemed filled with old objects. 

I was forced to crouch to enter the building, and I was slightly too large to stand at full height while within, but the scent of aged wood hit my nose as soon as I entered, and a kindly old man greeted me. “Watch your head there young’un!” The nice old man chuckled as I struggled, though his words sent a shot of fear through me. “Kids like you shouldn't be bangin’ your heads every which way.” I turned to face him, “Apologies Sir.” I bowed slightly, “Heh, aren’t you the best! You don’t gotta say sorry for nothin’, you need help, or just lookin’?” I paused, having expected a different response. “I am simply looking, sir.” He chuckled, and returned to reading a thin book. Looking around was quite the experience, I was correct in thinking the shops purpose was to sell old items, and I was ecstatic to find they had some dating back to closer to my time. In a case they had a sword, though it seemed to be the oldest item in the shop. It was a long sword, the same they would have given to a knight, though later than my age. I hated seeing it. I had seen so many, and I knew what they felt like. It was hard to separate my memories from the look of the blade, and I was met with vivid recollections of what it felt like to be cut with a similar blade. I began to feel ill, and opted to exit the shop. The kindly old man was very polite, however. 

I felt ill walking down the street, as I tried in vain to wipe the thoughts from my mind. The noise a sword made when it met flesh was playing on repeat in my head. I tried to think of Dear Carol to comfort myself, but the images still lurked in the depths of my head. Walking in the cold had become tiring, so I opted to take a seat on a nearby bench. From where I sat, I could see a small cafe, with people in the window. No doubt they were looking at me, they probably wondered what manner of beast was sitting in their small town. I felt my chest tighten, as my breath quickened. I felt so out of place, the odd look I got reminded me of how my masters would stare. I wanted to be something different. I wanted so badly to look as everyone else did, to be ‘normal’. I had to be somewhere else, so I rose and began to walk. My walk turned to a run, and soon I was out of the way. 

The air was still around me, and snow had begun to fall on the outskirts of town where I had found myself. There was little in terms of seating, so I fell against a tree, and began to cry. I felt like a fool, sitting there. If the good townspeople were unsure of me before, this must have been all it took for them to fear me. I looked at my claws, I hated them so. Large and misshapen, they were little more than a weapon attached at my wrist. I looked so wrong in these clothes that good Sherry and Carol had purchased for me as well. I felt too tall, too thin, too ugly. What I would have given for someone else’s body. Yet it felt wrong to be upset, dear Carol would not have wanted me to cry. I began to berate myself for letting her down, even if she had no way of knowing. This was my fault, I knew it was. I felt so abhorrent for letting my composure slip, I hated myself for falling this low. When I was with my old masters I did not cry. When I took my first life I did not cry. My self pity was suddenly interrupted by a voice. “Hey, are you ok, hun?” It was low, with an accent I could not place, but I had never heard them before. I wiped away the tears as I look around me, though the visitor was easy to find. A muscular young therian whos species I could not recognize was approaching. “I heard you cryin’ and I wanted to make sure everythin’s ok.” She wore a white shirt with no sleeves, and green and black pants. I could see some kind of markings up and down her arms. “You don’t wanna talk?” I snapped myself out of it, and spoke, “I am alright, please do not concern yourself.” My voice was shaking, I was too. “You don’t seem alright hun, hows about I stay with you for a bit and we can talk it through?” I did not like being pitied. “I assure you ma’am, I am alright.” She took a seat beside me, “Well then we can talk about my problems.” I was more willing to do that, I hoped it would relieve my stress. “I am very sorry, I may not be as helpful as someone else.” She gave me a smile, and I saw large sharp teeth, they remind me of mine. “Well I don't mind, talkin’s always helpful, I learned that in basic training.” I must have been eyeing her, because she spoke up, “What, you never seen a shark before?” I felt terrible for offending her, “No, ma’am, I have not.” She paused, before letting loose a deep laugh, “Well you did now! Name’s Kayla, how bout you?” I gave her a smile, and made an attempt to sound composed, “I am Beatrix. May I inquire as to what those markings on your body are?” I had never seen someone with such bizarre markings. “Oh, you mean my ink? Most of ‘em are just things I got with my old marine buddies.” I cocked my head, “Marine?” That one earned me another laugh, “Yeah, I bet you woulda thought I was navy, huh?” I frowned, “Navy??” She slid down until she was lying on the ground. “You been livin’ under a rock?” I felt like a disgrace, I was ruining another relationship already. “I am very sorry.” “You don't gotta be sorry about nothin’, I'm just pullin’ your leg. But you don’t know what the army is?” I shook my head, I knew what armies were, but not ‘the’ army.

“Well uh, it's a bunch of people who go around and shoot shit, that was my job at least.” I looked at her, “Like with bows?” Her face screwed up, and she laughed again, “Bows? You really do live under a rock! No with guns, you know, like with bullets?” She pointed to one of the marks on her arm, it was two strange machines crossed. “Your job was to hurt people.” Kayla’s face grew cold, “Yeah, pretty much.” “Mine was too.” She eyed me suspiciously, “Really huh? So what's your story?” I shook my head, “I would love to tell you, but my… girlfriend, says my story is uncommon.” “Try me.” I turned to look away from her as I spoke. “I was a war beast, owned by a corrupt and hateful master. I come from hundreds of years in the past.” She laughed, “Sure you are.” “You do not believe me?” She punched me lightly on the arm, “No I do, I’ve seen weirder shit.” I stared at her incredulously, “Really?” She gave me a grin, “Yeah, this just means we’re both weapons, don't it? Brothers in arms!” I began to smile too, “Yes, then might you understand, how it feels so long after?” Her look turned melancholy, “All too well, hun. Those scars never really heal, do they?” I shook my head, “I was stationed in the middle east, frontlines. Every day was a chance I couldn’t come home, just lookin’ at little dots and hopin’ i hit ‘em ‘fore they hit me.” It was nice to meet someone who understood my feelings. “I stopped counting after a while, I dunno if I could ever sleep if I didn't.” She looked at me, “Y’all didn't have guns though.” She began eyeing my claws, “I…. I had to use my claws. Monsters are rarely given any luxury.” The thought crossed my mind that she might fear me. 

“So you’re a ‘monster’ huh?” I nodded my head, “That is what many people have called me, are they not correct?” Kayla paused and looked at herself, “You think I’m a monster?” I shook my head, “No, you seem kind.” She paused, “Can monsters not be kind?” I had never thought of that, I tried to be kind and polite at least. “Perhaps, they can.” I began to draw in the dirt with my claw, “That makes them no less of beasts however.” Somewhere along the lines I realized she had squeezed my problems out of me, I did not mind though. It was nice to talk. “Then what makes a monster different than.. Say, me?” She motioned to herself. “I have nasty sharp fangs, Im pretty big, I’ve had people scared of me in the past, what makes you a monster and not me?” I did not have a good answer. “I am, worse than you.” She shook her head, “This ain't a contest.” I did not like what she was saying, even though she seemed to understand, it felt wrong when she told me. “I do not wish to continue this conversation, perhaps we may talk of your issues?” the woman paused, she looked similar to me, large with sharp fangs, yet so different. She was stoic, with red hair cropped close to her head. She was strongly built, unlike my misshapen body, it only served to hammer home the difference between us. She was a knight, and I was the beast she would be sent to slay. “I won’t push ya, don't worry.” She pulled a small green box from her pocket, and produced a white and orange stick, she began to set it aflame, “You want a smoke?” I stared at it, “A what?” She put it in her mouth, and then upon removing it let out a puff of smoke, “A cigarette, never seen one?” I shook my head, “Eh, for the best, these lil’ shits aren't good for you.” She smiled as she spoke, despite the subject being quite dark, “So I got kicked out of my squad for stealin’ shit.” I shuddered, remembering what we did to thieves. “Kicked me out on my ass, now I’m broke and homeless.” She took a puff of her ‘smoke’. “My mother, bless her soul, passed while I was servin’, and I ain't on speakin’ terms with my pa.” She looked at me, “Guess we’re both kinda alone in the world? Or no, you got your girlfriend, huh.” I felt bad, I had gotten so caught up in my own emotion I had forgotten dear Carol would be waiting for me at home. “Do you have a bed to sleep on?” She spoke unsurely, “Well, I got the cash for a hotel, that’s about it.” 

I felt similar, as I was simply coasting on the kindness of good Sherry. “I am dearly sorry you must go through that.” She shook her head, “You know, Uncle Sam taught me to be tough, so I just gotta muscle through my shit.” “Who is uncle sam?” She let out another hearty laugh, “I like you, you’re funny. Hey, lemme give you my number, I wanna meet the girl who tamed the ‘beast’ sometime.” She produced a small paper from her pocket, and wrote down a string of numbers, “Gimme a call sometime, it's not like I got anything better to do.” I was unsure of the number’s use, but I hoped Carol could inform me later, “I will do.. That.” Kayla stood up, “I guess I’ll see you then, I dont wanna stick around after the sun sets, and don't you gota a girl to get back to?” I stayed for a while after she left, enjoying the sounds of the forest. I watched as the sun began to set, painting the sky a bright red, and I took the time to think about what the woman had said. I wanted to ask dear Carol what she thought of it all. I wanted her to tell me it would be alright. 

Getting home was not difficult, I had not run far from the main street, and from there I remembered the way back. It was dark when I finally returned to the ‘apartment’ complex, and the stars shone brightly upon my path. Few lights were on in the buildings, but there was one in good Sherry’s. Dear Carol was waiting for me at the dinner table, she had a bottle of some kind of drink and seemed distressed. “Fuck? Oh Bea! Where the fuck were you?” I must have taken my time walking home. “It's fucking ten? I was worried!” I did not expect her to be worried for me. “I was taking a walk.” She hurried to me, and brought me into a hug, “For five hours? I got home at five!” I felt terrible disappointing her, “I am sorry dear Carol, I did not mean to upset you!” She looked at me, “I’m not mad, I was just worried.” I lifted her, and took her to the couch, she seemed to enjoy that. “I wanted to look around today, I found a nice piece of forest, and I suppose I took too long to return home.” Dear Carol gave me a kiss on the cheek, “Don’t worry about it, me and Sherry wanna get you a phone, we were thinkin’ it's kinda weird for my partner to always have to stick around with me.” I nodded my head, “Is that what numbers are for, phones?” “Why?” I smiled at her, “I received a ‘number’ from a kind woman I met, I think she wishes to be my ‘friend’.” Carol seems overjoyed that I was socializing, “I'm happy that you’re finding a place to fit in, I just wanna see you happy, Bea.” I looked at her, “Dear Carol, do you think I am a monster?” She paused, “Why?” I ruffled her hair, “The woman I spoke with said she was a monster as well, and that I should not worry. I do not know if I quite believe her.” Carol grabbed me by a horn and pulled my head down to give me a kiss, “Bea, you know sometimes I wonder if I say the right thing will anyone give a shit. You know?” I shook my head, “Like if I say, ‘oh no Bea you are the cutest little gumdrop’! That might be what you wanna hear, but it won't help at all.” I was not sure I understood, “Cause like, maybe some people do think you’re a monster, I can’t change that.” She moved to lay her head on my lap, “I can't fix the world, as much as I wish I fuckin’ could.” Her face looked soft, a large contrast to my stretched features. “But maybe we shouldn't give a shit, I think bein’ a monster is fine.” My chest felt tight as she spoke, but it felt better having her tell me. I trusted dear Carol, “Why should we give a shit if your a ‘beast’ cause your big and soft and nice. And maybe that's enough, you know?” She was starting to make more sense, it was nice to hear her talk of me that way. “Bea I think maybe you are a monster, but that doesn't mean your a bad monster, you’re like the big scary guy who helps the hero in stories.” I wanted to trust her, and for the first time in my life, I felt myself start to.

“I can't make everything perfect for you Bea, and I don't think I can make all your problems go away, but I love you for who you are. You’re my big cuddly monster.” I choked back tears, “Thank you dear Carol, I want to be.. Your monster.” She blushed, and ran her hands through as much of my hair as she could reach. “People who shit on you cause your the way you are are fuckin’ dumb as rocks.” I was thinking about what she said, it made sense when she said it. “Dear Carol, I like when you speak to me so.” She blushed. Perhaps things would be better going forward, if only with dear Carol at my side to help me weather the storms. “So Bea, we ain't done with Game of Thrones yet, you wanna watch some Netflix together?” I wiped my face, and gave her a kiss, “Anything with you, dear Carol.” We slept well that night. I had never felt so confident about the future, it was a nice change of pace.


End file.
